I’m now a columnist for Lost Girls—check out my first post here:
4 Things I Didn’t Know About South American Bus Travel (But Wish I Had!)
Deadly(ish) San Gil
After a month of Adventures in Bartending and Late Nights in Bogota, I needed a detox. I found one in the north of Colombia, first with a stop in San Gil, the country’s “adventure” capital.
I stayed in a craphole of a hostel (note: most hostels in Colombia are not “indoors”—all the rooms basically open to a central patio with no roof. So you’re exposed to the elements, be it rain, freezing cold, or just obnoxious drunk 19 year olds from Manchester. There is simply no such thing as indoors.)
But anyways, the hostel was cool because I made friends with a group of kids there, and the owner, who knew Oscar, my Bogota hostel’s owner, was extra welcoming for my first solo traveling stop.
Every morning I ate a massive fruit salad covered in gooey sweet white sauce and shredded queso blanco for ONE FREAKING DOLLAR. I love cheap, weird Colombian fruit. Like have you ever heard of a Lulo fruit? How about a Tree Tomato? Or maybe a peach imitator that, when you take a bite, looks on the inside like a cherry and tastes like a pear? Yep. Weird shit.
My friends and I hiked (in flip flops, this adds approximately 1 hour to every scheduled 2 hours of hiking) to a charming little colonial town.
We drank Chicha corn beer which was so sour it must have turned bad months ago and ate some gross lemony taffy crap that almost pulled a tooth out.
Upon embarking on our return hike, we were caught in a downpour and had to hitch a ride in the back of a truck to get home.
Even though there were spiders in my bed I slept brilliantly to the sound of rain.
THEN.
We hiked to a waterfall, which was wonderful and powerful and freezing.
It was a little scary climbing around a bunch of makeshift rope ladders in slippery bare feet in the middle of nowhere with basically no supervision or authority in an hour’s walk.
But in reality that was nothing:
Later that day, A SNAKE BIT PETER IN THE FOOT.
Peter is the token Dutch dude from our little traveling crew. So after the snake bite we all kindof panicked and decided to return to civilization. Except when we got there and asked the one human being within miles if he was going to die, the dude just shrugged.
Peter: “Hey, I was bitten by a snake!”
Dude: (Shrug) “It’s cool man, no big deal.”
Peter: “How do you know that? Could it be poisonous?”
Dude: “Nooo no, you’re fine.”
Peter: “Uhm, are you sure? Don’t you know want to know what it looked like? Or see where it bit me?”
Dude: “Nah.”
Peter: “Well It was a big red and black snake! And it bit me on the foot!”
Dude: “Heyyy, tranquiiiilo man.” (Passive aggressive Spanish for “chill the eff out.”)
So, I mean, ok. He didn’t die. El Tranquilero wins I suppose. When we finally returned to San Gil, we found out our OTHER friend had been in the hospital all day because he was attacked by a DOG! I should also mention here that I myself was attacked by a furry caterpillar but that injury, while seriously itchy, healed up much more quickly.
Then we ate roasted ants for dinner. It’s a local delicacy.
Nice and crunchy.
The next day Peter and I rode on motos to my first ever caving experience. Dude. This shit is crazy. We waded through murky, freezing cold water to our necks wearing helmets and headlamps. At one point, the tour guide pulled a rope ouy from the water, handed it to me, and said, “OK, we’re going to swim under this rock wall by pulling ourselves on this rope. If you’re underwater for more than 7 seconds, you’re doing it wrong.”
Like, what? Oooooookay!
We crawled on our elbows through water and muck, we swam through lakes and rinsed ourselves under waterfalls, we waded through what felt like knee-high shit and frolicked across boulders.
I voluntarily covered myself in mud for the second time in a month.
And I ruined my Toms once and for all. We checked out bats, spiders, stalagtites/mites, and various other cavery.
And basically we emerged from the cave two hours later feeling both confused and energized.
So, San Gil was cool.
Packing Recap (pictured above with my two green bags and Travis’ one.)
After 149 days of traveling I’m finally returning to Nueva York. And after wearing the same four shirts and one pair of pants for five freaking months you can be certain I plan to burn every article of clothing in my pack.
The contents of my bag are a hell of a lot different from when I started so here’s what I’ve learned about packing for long trips. Some of the stuff in the MINUS category was deliberately left behind, other things were lost, stolen, or simply fell apart. The turning point was when I met up with Ben in Cartagena—he brought me some new clothing and took back my “annex bag” of souvenirs for others. No way I was carrying two hammocks around for another 2 months.
My Pack, Day One
Weight: 13 Kilos
Contents: 20 articles of clothing (yet no cold weather clothes!), a towel, sleep sack, laundry bag, first aid kit, five books (including the massive lonely planet SA), a ton of magazines, toiletries, giant bottles of sunscreen, hiking shoes, casual shoes, 1 pair flip flops, hairdryer (wtf), and electronics (lappy, ipod, cam).
My Pack, Halfway Through (Circa de Bolivia)
Weight: 15 Kilos
Contents:
Above PLUS 2 sweaters 2 tank tops, a scarf, two hats, two purses, thick socks, winter coat, jewelry, two watches, an extra tote bag for said purchases
MINUS two books, hairdryer, dress, jeans, toiletries and makeup, sleep sack, laundry bag
My Pack, Day 149
Weight: 17.9 kilos (!!!)
Contents:
Above PLUS three pairs boots (I know), one pair of sandals, four books, one jacket, 4 shirts, 1 pair pants, 1 pair tights, more jewelry, film camera
MINUS other pair pants, other pair tights, flip flops (they fell apart), sunscreen, watches, shorts, several tank tops, most toiletries, Lonely planet, extra tote, winter clothing, cardigan, Toms shoes (they fell apart)
…….
Things I’m glad I packed:
- Basically, the best things I packed were a synthetic black camisole, black cardigan, and black yoga pants. They don’t show stains or fall apart, the cami and cardi weren’t too casual for going out, and the yoga pants were perfect for sleeping and hiking. Most importantly, since they’re basically polyester, they dried really quickly when I washed ‘em in hostel sinks.
- Also I’m happy I packed the hiking shoes even though I only wear ‘em every month or so, and they take up tons of space in my bag, and they smell like crap. For the big hikes, my Toms or little tennies just wouldn’t have cut it.
- I’m glad we didn’t rip apart our Lonely Planet as originally planned because we ended up going to four different countries not in the initial route. We kinda needed the Bolivia section, for example.
- Important item: headlamp—it was basically required on all of the hikes and helpful for rummaging through your shit in a dark hostel dorm. Also of utmost importance: my tiny little extra absorbent towel. By now it looks disgustingly musty (“suspicious” is the word one friend used) but it was important since a lot of hostels don’t supply towels.
- Also, I had a packet of those facewash wipe things (like baby wipes but for your face not your butt) which were really nice for long bus rides.
Things I wish I had packed:
- Didn’t bring any “going out” clothing. In New York I think I dress pretty casually for hitting the bars (and I don’t really do clubs). But that doesn’t really translate everywhere in the world. Apparently, its frowned upon to show up to a club, on any continent, in flip flops and a cotton tank top. The flat black riding boots and “fancy tank tops” I bought in Brazil and Argentina were helpful for that. In the same vein, I wish I had packed a purse or slightly less backpacker-y day pack. It’s not really cool to tramp around a city carrying an army green hiking backpack (not to mention it screams “TARGET”), and while I didn’t mind carrying my money in my bra, I’m SO ready for that to end. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve found a bill stuck to the side of me, or trying to creep out of my shirt. Not to mention the nail salon incident.
- I wish I had gone the route Travis did with organization in his bag. I made myself 2 stuff sacks for my clothes, which worked okay, sometimes, depending on what was clean/dirty wet/dry etc., but he used these massive clear ziplock baggies which fit into his pack well, allowed him to see the contents and easily sort dirty/clean. I usually just stuffed dirty clothes into the bag wherever I could fit them, which translated to a trail of dirty socks and random things scattering behind me like Hansel and Gretel.
Things I really didn’t need:
- My Toms were super lightweight and comfy but they started falling apart after like a month. And they were too casual to wear at night time and too light to wear with socks/in the cold. A pair of flats would have been better. The Toms got so disgusting I was told by traveling mates that they didn’t want to be seen with someone wearing homeless person shoes.
- I never once used (unfortunately for the environment) my reusable tote bag because I never carried it around with me. We used a lot of plastic bags to carry valuables to throw off potential muggers.
- Also, rain jacket, sleep sack, hairdryer.
- Also, five books. Was better off with just one and hitting up book exchanges.
- Wicking underwear. They were weird and not comfortable. I’m not sure why Travis and I had the idea that we would really need these.
- Also, the jeans, dress, and button up shirt. They were of questionable quality and all fell apart within a month.
So that’s the story of my stuff. I could barely keep track of it all; God help me when I emancipate the contents of my storage unit in New York. I’m tempted to throw a match in and forget all that crap ever existed.
On Tending Bar
After working a bar for a mere three weeks, I know it’s not my true calling. I love being behind the bar, and I love making drinks, I love picking the music (and introducing Colombia to Cee-Lo), and I love the whole crazy atmosphere.
As I mentioned, my boss (guess which one in the photo above…) usually created that atmosphere by pushing shots on everyone, throwing a knife into the air to pop balloons full of confetti, and screaming “HUEVA!” He was great. Crazy, but great.
And all of that was great, I realized, when I’m in the mood for it. And sometimes, well, many times, I’m simply not in the mood. It takes a special kind of motivation to get yourself into that mode when you don’t want to be. Often my boss would throw wads of paper at my head in an attempt to get me to “pep up!” and “hab some fon Air-een!”
Thus I now know I can cross “bartender” off my list of life aspirations.
HOWEVER. I had some wonderful, amazing epic nights at Hostel Sue, and well, everyone who ever goes to Bogota should stay there. The following songs, on a playlist my boss played every single night, have been burned into my brain and will always take me back.
-We Don’t Play Guitars by Chicks on Speed
-Dance Yrself Clean by LCD Soundsystem
-Anything by Systema Solar
-Anything by Bomba Estereo (but especially Fuego)
-One Night in Rio by I have no idea who
This type of thing happened more regularly than I care to admit.
180 hours is a lot of time spent riding buses together, just saying. Sometimes a girl just feels flossy flossy, ok?
Food I Miss
Today was one of those amazing “I-love-traveling-remember-everything-you’re-doing-right-now” days. They aren’t all like this, but today was nice.
I love the rugged hills surrounding Taganga’s disgusting beaches and the way everyone in Taganga just quietly, lazily chills, all, freaking, day.
But there is one nagging thing that, as I ate my 50th watery papaya of the week, I couldn’t ignore. I miss my favorite foods from New York. I miss them baaaaaaad.
So when I get back, I’m going to work my way, gluttonously, through this food lust list:
Iced coffee
Everything bagels with cream cheese and lox
Long Tan green seafood curry
Sushi feast including spicy salmon with extra spicy mayo and fried tofu
Mac and cheese from the box (whatever)
Pizza from Artichoke
Drunk pizza from Joe’s or Pizzatown
ROAST BEEF SANDWICHES from the deli downstairs
Chicken Tikka Masala and samosas from Kinara
Five for a dollar dumplings from Chinatown
Soup dumplings
Cheetos that don’t taste like B.O.
Papa Johns garlic butter (don’t judge)
Vegan Philly cheese steak from V-Spot
Burritos from Clemen’s
BARK DOGS BACON EGG & CHEESE SANDY
Smoke Joint and Char No. 4
All other BBQ
Chicken and waffles from Buttermilk Channel
Cafe Steinhof mussels + weinstefaner + charcuterie plate
Brunch from Bellville
Brunch from, fuck it, ANYWHERE
Six Point in a big awesome pint glass
Dogfish head 90 minute IPA in a small awesome glass
Brooklyn Lager
Bloody Marys
DELI PICKLES
Corned beef from Katz’s
Skim Lattes from somewhere other than Gorilla (are we still not going there?)
Burgers from Alchemy
Midtown lunch salads
Cocktails (any) from Quarter
and Fried Chicken from Sidecar.
…
WHO’S WITH ME!?!?
LOS LISTS - OTHER (5 of 5)
In the name of Travis’ departure, we’ve compiled a series on our misadventures. It’s an exhaustive, self-indulgent, overly simplified analysis of practically everything we ever did, with no explanation or justification for our choices.
Top Reactions to an Outfit Worn by Blair Waldorf, Serena Van Der Woodsen or Jenny Humphrey in the Six Episodes of Gossip Girl We Had on Travis’ iPhone:
1. What the Delta Burke is up with those shoulder pads, B?
2. Nice yarn-hair, Little J.
3. That sock of a dress isn’t going to get daddy to take you any more seriously, S.
4. Um, S? I can see your Upper East Siders.
Top Four Theme Songs
1. G.L.A.M.O.R.O.U.S. - Fergie
2. Meet Me Halfway - The Black Eyed Peas
3. Alejandro - Lady Gaga
4. XXXO - MIA
Top Black Eyed Peas Song We Heard Involuntarily At Least 1,000,000,000 Times and Were Brainwashed into Maybe Not Totally Hating
1. Tengo Un Feeling
Top/Only Five Words We Learned in Portuguese
1. Cerveja (beer)
2. Lajy Gaga (Lady Gaga)
3. Obrigado (thank you)
4. Dois mais por favor (two more please)
5. Desculpe (excuse me/I’m sorry)
Top Movies Forced to Endure on Buses
1. Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2
2. At least 10 Vin Diesel classics
3. Generic Harry Potter
Top Three Live Animals on Bus Rides
1. Chickens
2. Dogs
3. Caffeinated children
Top Adopted British Slang
Jumper - socket- reckon - twat - bin - the way forward (really)
Top Imparted American Slang
Douchebag - muffin top - drug lord
Coming soon:
- Top 10 Times Erin States a Fact and Travis Responds with “Probably”
- Top 10 Times Erin Cursed at Travis Under Her Breath
- Top 85 Nights Travis Snored
- Top 85 Mornings Erin complained about it
- Top 978 Mozzie Bites
- Top 50 Uses of “That’s what she said.”
- Top 80 Cold Showers
- Top 11 World Cup Games Watched
- Top Times We Thought We Ordered a Salad and Got a Pile of Mystery Meat
- Top Eight Times Erin Vomited from Eating Something Exotic and Suspicious-Looking
- Top 20 Times We Felt Old
- Top One Time We Felt Young (Black Sheep Hostel, Medellin)
- Top Two Times Erin Used the Phrase “Calm Down”
- Top One Time Travis Spelled Out the Consequences of Using Such a Phrase
- Top Times Erin Accidentally Insulted People Who She Thought Couldn’t Hear Her and/or Understand English
- Top 13 Times We Lost Our Dignity Doing Something Very Simple
- Top 9 Times We Broke Something at a Hostel
- Top Two Times We Were Awkwardly Forced to Share a Bed
LOS LISTS - HOSTELS (3 of 5)
In the name of Travis’ departure, we’ve compiled a series on our misadventures. It’s an exhaustive, self-indulgent, overly simplified analysis of practically everything we ever did, with no explanation or justification for our choices.
Favorite Hostels (Erin)
1. Secret Garden Hostel in Quito
2. Destino Nomada in Bogota
4. Laranjieras Hostel in Salvador
Favorite Hostels (Travis)
1. Destino Nomada in Bogota
2. Villa Madalena in Sau Paulo
4. Loki Cuzco because of the spaghetti and meatballs
Worst Hostels (Erin)
1. First night of the Salt Flats tour
2. Freezing $2 Isla del Sol shithole with broken windows and manual flush toilets
3. Artie’s Guesthouse because of its midnight curfew
Worst Hostels (Travis)
Top Hostel Breakfast
1. Secret Garden Hostel (Quito)
3. Loki pancakes
LOS LISTS - EXPERIENCES (2 of 5)
In the name of Travis’ departure, we’ve compiled a series on our misadventures. It’s an exhaustive, self-indulgent, overly simplified analysis of practically everything we ever did, with no explanation or justification for our choices.
Top Three Ailments
1. Pink eye
3. Slashed wrist (after tripping on volcanic rock while peeing)
Bonus ailment: Perpetual diarrhea
Travis’ Top Three Bowel Movements
1. The Tony Romas Poo (notes: so mighty, took seven flushes, expected a slow clap upon emerging from the stall)
2. The Muchu Poo-chu on Macchu Pichu (note: travis wanted to make sure he got credit for that term)
3. The Salt Flats Jumping Shart (note: everything in the world at that moment was pure white, except Travis’ pants)
Top Tours
3.Chapada Diamentina tour in Lencios
Top Activities (15 Way Tie, We Probably Forgot Something But Whatever)
Paragliding in Medellin - Samba lesson in Salvador - Bolivia’s Got Talent talent show - Mud Volcano in Cartagena - Holy parade in Chile - VW Beetle tour of Sacred Valley in Cuzco - Volunteering with kids in Cuzco - Paddle boats in Copacabana - Surfing in Canoa - Gallery hopping in Sau Paulo - Horseback riding in Morro de Sau Paulo - Salt Cathedral in Zipaquera - Dune buggies in Ica - Snorkeling in Cartagena - Samba/Condoble/Capoera performance in Salvador
Notable Markets
1. That one Sunday market in Brazil where we ate tapioca
2. The Flea market in Sau Paulo
3. Mercado Central in Quito
5. Hipster market in Bogota
7. Mercado Central in Sau Paulo
Top Five Dirtiest Moments
1. Day 2 of Salkantay Trek
3. Day 3 of Salt Flat Tour
Top Hammock Naps
1. Villa Madalena in Sau Paulo
2. Playa Blanca (Travis)
3. San Pedro hostel
See also: South America. Yeah.
LOS LISTS - PLACES (1 of 5)
In the name of Travis’ departure, we’ve compiled a retrospective series on our misadventures. It’s an exhaustive, self-indulgent, overly simplified analysis of practically everything we ever did, with no explanation or justification for our choices.
Top Cities Visited (Erin)
1. Bogota
2. Rio
3. Cuzco
4. Sau Paulo
5. La Paz
6. Quito
7. Medellin
8. Salvador
9. Cartagena
10. Arequipa
11. Iguazu Falls
12. Lima
13. Uyuni
Top Cities Visited (Travis)
1. Bogota
2. Rio
3. Sau Paulo (hi boys ;) )
4. Quito
5. Cuzco
6. La Paz
7. Medellin
8. Salvador
9. Lima
10. Cartagena
11. Arequipa
Top Small Towns (Erin)
1. San Pedro
2. Lencois
3. Canoa
5. Huacachina
6. Isla del Sol
7. Copacabana
8. Agnes Calientes
9. Nazca
Top Towns (Travis)
1. San Pedro
2. Canoa
3. Lencois
4. Morro de Sau Paulo
5. Copacabana
6. Huacachina
7. Isla del Sol
8. Agnes Calientes
9. Nazca
Top Four Beaches
1. Ipanema
2. Canoa
4. Isla de Rosario
Top Three Bitches
1. That chick on our Machu Picchu hike
2. The woman in the bowler hat who almost killed Erin
3. The woman at Hostel Mirador who made us pay for toilet paper, among other bitch moves
Exhaustive, Self-Indulgent and Overly Simplified Lists of Things We Liked and Disliked
In the name of Travis’ departure, we’ve compiled a retrospective series on our misadventures. It’s for the fans really (all 3 of you, counting our moms). SO, are you ready for an exhaustive, self-indulgent, overly simplified analysis of practically everything we ever did, with no explanation or justification for our choices? Good!
GET READY.
On Backpackers
Today Caroline and I discussed how I can spend my first few months back in New York reminding everyone that I went BACKPACKING IN SOUTH AMERICA.
Caroline: like, “oh, you lost your job? I remember when I used to care about the rat race…. back before I went BACKPACKING IN SOUTH AMERICA”
me: and starting every sentence with ¨WELL IN B.A. —-THATS BUENOS AIRES GUYS—-”
Caroline: “yeah, this place is cool. I guess, if you haven’t expanded your horizons like I did when I went BACKPACKING IN SOUTH AMERICA”
Caroline: “cute shoes. I remember when I used to care about shoes” but, you know, you can only fit so many pairs into YOUR BACKPACK, which I lived out of
me: understand? everything i owned, I CARRIED ON MY BACK
Caroline: I didn’t change clothes, I just CHANGED COUNTRIES!
Caroline: oh and you can’t say “argentina” you have to say “arHENtinAH”
Caroline: and are you good at pronouncing spanish-derived words commonly used in the US…. like an asshole?
me: like teLEfono?
y el rrrrrradio
Caroline: burrrrrritonew Erin is going to be so much fun
me: new Erin (pronounced ay-REEN)
Caroline: you should roll the r
(By the way, the little asshole in the photo above would not stop going into my bag and messing with everything. He was the most ill-behaved, sugared up, sunburnt child I’ve ever encountered.)
Since my arrival in Colombia August 2, I have tossed back maybe 40 arepas. Damn these things are good. You can get them made of potato cake or corn cake; I think I prefer the corn. They’re filled with stringy mozzarella cheese and slathered with butter.
Hello there you delicious delicious little gut bomb.
So I’ve already written a bit about Machu Picchu. Here come some photos from our hike on the spectacular Salkantay Trail.
I will add one thing to my previous comments on old MP:
For anyone thinking of going, you MUST book the Inca Trail very far in advance. You need a permit, and its complicated and expensive. I’m talking like 6 months out or more.
Since we weren’t on top of our shit enough to get that squared away in advance, we opted for an alternative trail, of which there are many. There is a jungle tour that involves downhill biking and a bit of trekking. Many backpackers choose this because its cheap, isn’t too difficult, is still cool, and you can show up to Cuzco and get on one the next day if you want.
We opted for the Salkantay trek, which was five days total (four of trekking, one at the site), and while it was beautiful and amazing, it lacked one major element of magic that the Inca Trail had. It’s because we ended day four in Aguas Calientes, a tourist town at the base of the mountain. We stayed in a hostel and took a bus up the mountain the next morning. It felt silly to hike our weary asses all the way there while roughing it in tents only to cozy up in a hostel and ascend the mountain the next day on a bus like all the lazy asses who took the train in.
Those on the Inca Trail, on the other hand, decend down the side of an adjacent mountain to Machu Picchu just as the sun rises and morning fog parts to reveal the ruins. It’s got to be even more breathtaking and, I dunno, spiritual, than rolling up in a Mercedes bus. So, if you’re going, PLAN IN ADVANCE and INVEST IN THE INCA TRAIL.
Hello there, Collectivo Bus of La Paz.
I know you don’t believe in esoteric highbrow concepts like “caution” or “health and safety” or “capacity” or “personal space” or “traffic rules” or even “pedestrians,” but I want you to know I was really sad when I dropped my delicious 50 cent saltena while diving to save my life when you careened onto the sidewalk.
Love, Erin
